


You Are Insane!

by TheDarkestDandelion



Series: The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [118]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Aging, Angry Clarus Amicitia, Ardyn Izunia Being Ardyn Izunia, Ass Grabbing but not really, Attempt at Humor, Bad Flirting, Brotherly Love, Cor Leonis Is A Sweetheart, Cordyn, Daemonic Powers, Fluff and Crack, Funny, Kinda..., Kissing, M/M, Mentioned Gladiolus Amicitia, Mentioned Iris Amicitia, Mentioned Regis Lucis Caelum, Panic, Pranks, Pretend Flirting, Sleep Groping, Teasing, World of Ruin, Worry, tiredness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:01:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29120142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDarkestDandelion/pseuds/TheDarkestDandelion
Summary: Clarus is tired and worried a lot of the time as the years of darkness draw out.Regis, Gladio and Iris would make his hair turn white, if he still had any, with all the crazy and stupid stunts they pulled and that only added to his stressed state of being. However, it was becoming apparent that one man put more stress on him then all three of them combined.That man was Ardyn Leonis and Clarus still has no idea why Ardyn keeps insisting that he fancies him! He doesn't!
Relationships: Ardyn Izunia/Cor Leonis, Clarus Amicitia & Ardyn Izunia, Clarus Amicitia & Cor Leonis
Series: The Daemon, the Soldier and a Stolen Bio-Weapon AU [118]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1310333
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	You Are Insane!

**Author's Note:**

> This is incredibly light-hearted today! Basically a good old crackfic cause the angst stuff is really started to... not drain me it's just heavy and everyone needs a little light in their life every now and then XD 
> 
> Please enjoy the mess that is Ardyn Leonis XD

Clarus knew he was getting old now. 

He could feel it in his bones as he aimlessly walked through the corridors, mind off in his own little world so he could try and get a bit of peace and quiet. 

His back hurt more than it used to, his muscles were constantly sore from pushing Regis around in his chair all day. Not that he’d even complain about that. He’d rather be pushing his king around then not have him here at all. Also, he could tell he was becoming more irritable and tired. He’d snap at a few unlucky members of the guard or glaive if they caught him on a bad day. Not to mention how many times poor Somnus and Ardyn had been at the end of his tiredness. Out of everyone else in the Citadel, he felt truly guilty at snapping at them. They were the ones who were protecting what remained of humanity after all. Because of that, he found himself apologising to them a lot. Thankfully, they never held it against him, although he could tell that both Cor and Gilgamesh did not appreciate his bluntness at the pair…

To top it all off he was turning into a right worrier. He was concerned about Regis’s health, both his children serving their world and fighting against the darkness every single week and he couldn’t tell them he was worried in case they got worried about him. It was a never-ending cycle of worry and it was definitely aging him for the worse. 

Speaking of his children, Iris was scaring the shit out of him with all her feats in battle. He never imagined that his daughter, the same person who he had raised from birth, could become a legendary warrior. A warrior that was more famous than himself and her brother combined. A warrior that scared the Adagium. He was so proud of her. He was proud of both his children and he shouldn’t admit this but he was a lot prouder of Gladio in this moment in time. Only because his son had finally decided to grow up and start forgiving Ardyn for what happened with Noctis. And he had Ignis and Prompto to thank for changing his son’s mind on the matter.

They truly were great friends and a comfort to both his children. 

It was just one less thing to worry about-

“AMICITIA!” 

Clarus jumped out of his skin at the sudden gasp of horror that came from just behind him.

He turned around to see Ardyn looking at him like he was in shock. His eyes were wide and his jaw had fallen to the ground-

 _Oh no, what was this daemon up to now?_

For better or worse, Clarus didn’t even need to ask him what the problem was as Ardyn started to shriek in his face. 

“I did not give you permission to touch my arse!” 

“I am sorry?! What?!” Clarus yelled, mind turning into horror and disgust by Ardyn’s words. What the hell was this man on about?! 

“You just pushed past me, very rudely I might add, and brushed your hand against my butt.” Ardyn explained, clearly pretending to be very offended. 

“What no I-” Clarus stopped himself and rubbed the back of his neck in confusion. 

He was feeling really quite tired today. So much so he was falling asleep at his desk, so it wasn’t a stretch to assume that he hadn’t noticed walking passed Ardyn. Now, that Clarus thought about it he was being very careless with his strides… 

Not wanting a fight or anything like that, Clarus decided to take Ardyn’s word for it and apologise. 

“I am sorry. I didn’t even notice you were there.”

“I should think so too!” Ardyn nodded, putting his nose in the air, like some stuck up lord. “I understand you find me irresistible but I am very much taken by your little brother and have been for many years now.” 

Clarus choked on air, and coughed with nothing but disgust as Ardyn’s words spun around his very tired head. 

_What the damned hell?!_

“Cor will be ever so annoyed that you haven’t been able to shake this crush you have. Cid will probably break your knee caps if this incident ends up making our poor Cor cry, which it just might as he has grown rather sensitive over the years.” 

Clarus cringed at his words and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to get over the initial shock of Ardyn’s statements. 

No! Just no! 

One, he was completely straight and had never looked at a man in that way. And two, it was Ardyn! That thought had never once crossed his mind, it would never cross his mind and just eww! But in his tired and semi-shocked state, he couldn’t say anything but stare at Ardyn, looking completely bewildered. 

Of course, Ardyn teased him about that too. 

Ardyn gasped, very dramatically, placing a hand to his heart. “Now you are looking at me with dreamy eyes! Whatever will my husband say?!” 

“That you are completely delusional.” Clarus said without hesitation because this was completely insane. He had already explained it was an accident but Ardyn was clearly wanting to play the wind up game today. 

“We will see about that won’t we?” Ardyn grinned, pivoting on his heels so that he was now facing in the opposite direction. “Let’s see what my husband has to say about you groping me.” 

“What?!” Clarus shouted, eyes popping out of his head. 

Even if it was an accident, which it 100% was, Ardyn was right about one thing. Cor had grown into a very sensitive soul and if Ardyn explained what happened in the way he was implying, Cor was probably going to punch him in the face and then cry his eyes out. Clarus could not have that on his conscience today! It was meant to be his hour’s break! 

However, Ardyn was already marching off to find Cor, forcing Clarus to chase after him in order to stop this insane man’s teasing. 

“You know full well it was an accident!” Clarus yelled, wishing Ardyn would slow down. He definitely was not as young as he used to be. 

Ardyn laughed, spun around and walked backwards with the cheekiest grin on his face. “Well, look at it this way, shall we? You tried to get as much information about my sex life as possible when Cor and I first started dating-”

“Not bloody this again!” Clarus gritted his teeth in frustration. “I was not doing that and you were the one who asked me to fuck you, not the other way around!” 

“That was clearly meant for Cor and you were the one who carried on the conversation.” Ardyn pointed out, bathing in his smugness as Clarus got more and more worked up. “And you sent me flowers. My favourite flower, I might add.” 

“That lovesick psycho secretary, who _you_ refused to fire until she crossed the line, did that!” 

“Pssh! That was your alibi, wasn’t it?” 

“What alibi?!” Clarus's voice went high pitch in disbelief. He could not fathom how or why Ardyn was getting a kick out of this. 

“So you wouldn’t get caught, duh? And let’s see what else… oh yes! You saved me from getting slaughtered by my baby brother. Trying to be a knight in shining armour, hey?” Ardyn winked at him. 

“No!” Clarus growled firmly. “Regis hates it when you fight! The least I can do, for my best friends and brothers, is try and stop you too from killing each other!” 

“Excuses, excuses.” Ardyn shook his head, tutting away as he turned back around, skipping into his step, his voice only becoming more irritable to the Shield’s tired ears as he carried on talking rubbish! “Not to mention the fact, you always wander into my office-” 

“To see Cor! Who practically lives there when you are both working!” 

“Oh, we are getting all defensive and hostile now! It must be true! You do fancy me!” 

“No, I fucking don’t!” 

Clarus roared and his explosive rage was soon accompanied by Ardyn’s laughter. He was not in the mood for his childishness. He really fucking wasn’t! 

“Why did you grab my arse then? You clearly are at least a little attracted to me in order to do that!” 

“I didn’t grab your arse! Why would I want to anyway?! You look like a hobo dressed in the most mismatched together outfit that you found in the bin and call it fashion! And your hair looks like someone got a pair of shears and hacked it! That is not a hair cut!” 

When Ardyn abruptly stopped walking - forcing the Shield to follow suit - and Clarus suddenly felt very small as all his anger for the situation very quickly died down. Oh okay, he may have taken it a little too far… Ardyn’s head was not in a good place right now and Cor had asked everyone to try their hardest not to say any hurtful things to him because he was going to take it to heart. 

_Oh crap._

Clarus gulped as Ardyn slowly turned back to face him, his features darkened. 

_Fuck. He’s mad and upset. Shit._

Ardyn’s once jolly and bubbly demeanour had all but gone and was replaced with a very dark undertone. “You know what, I was only joking around and teasing you. Now, I am telling Cor you did it on purpose.” 

In a sea of purple Ardyn disappeared right before his eyes, not even allowing Clarus a chance to defend himself or apologise for the words that had very clearly caused him upset. 

“FUCK!” 

Clarus shouted at himself, suddenly feeling awake enough to start running in the direction of Ardyn’s office, where Cor would surely be- 

_Oh shit!_

Cor was going to doubly kill him now! 

With that thought in mind, anyone who was sensible - and wanted to carry on breathing - would decide that running in the opposite direction of Cor the Immortal was the smartest thing to do but Clarus couldn’t do that. No matter if Ardyn had purposely pissed him off and been a dick, he didn’t want to fall out with his little brother, which he would surely do if Ardyn told him he was upset because of him and that he had touched his arse! 

He didn’t mean to do either of those things! 

He just hoped Cor was in a good enough mood to listen to him! By the six he prayed he was! 

When Clarus got to the office door, he walked in and didn’t greet Cor. Instead, he blurted everything out in an attempt to avoid facing the Marshal’s wrath as there was no way he would have beaten Ardyn here and Cor would know. 

“It was an accident! I swear! Whatever he has told you, yes I did both of those things, but I am sorry! Both were an accident and your husband is an arse! Don’t say he isn’t because you call him Ass Hat! So you know what he is like and how has bent the truth!” 

Clarus breathed out and looked at his little brother, who looked bloody confused. 

_Wait… oh no!_

“What has Ardyn or yourself done now?” Cor asked, rubbing his temple, also very clearly done with whatever this day had brought him. 

Clarus closed his eyes wanting to punch Ardyn in the face for this! The fucking knob! 

“Nothing.” Clarus groaned. “Forget I said anything.” 

“Wait a second, Clare, you look really tired and worked up. Tell me what he has said and I’ll sort him out.” Cor offered, his confusion turning to worry. 

Clarus waved him off. “No. It’s fine. Don’t trouble yourself with it.” 

“Darling, I personally think you should worry yourself with it.” 

Clarus tensed up as he saw that red-headed daemon, appear next to Cor, with a devilish look and an evil smile spread across his face. 

The cocky git had done this on purpose! 

Why was he such a dunce when fucking tired! 

“Why?” Cor questioned, shifting his gaze between the pair of them. 

“Well, that is the million gil question isn’t it?” Ardyn howled with laughter, placing a single stroke through his husband’s aging hair before turning to Clarus. “Amicitia, would you care to tell your brother dear?” 

“I am going to fucking kill you.” Clarus threatened, hatred radiating off him. 

“You are more than welcome to try.” 

“No.” Cor interjected before this did turn into a scourge bath. “What happened?” 

Clarus sighed. Well, he might as well admit it.

Unfortunately, Ardyn’s motormouth beat him to it. 

“He upset me after groping me.”

“That is not what happened!” Clarus shouted upon seeing Cor’s entire form drop. Oh no! He was not seeing any tears from the Marshal today! “Regis, he doesn’t mean to, is tiring me out and I didn’t see Ardyn when I was on a walk and I brushed my hand against his backside, then he wound me up about fancying him, which I do not! So I said something nasty to him and I upset him! I am really sorry Cor!” 

Clarus bowed his head in shame because there was a chance Cor wouldn’t believe him. 

He felt so guilty and he didn’t know how to make this up! He wanted to. He’d beg Cor for a chance to make this up to him. Not that he had anything to make up for but still… the last thing he wanted to do was to ever upset Cor in any way-

“So you are stressed and do need a break.” 

“What?” Clarus asked, raising his head up back to see Cor giving him a weak smile and Ardyn smugness hadn’t faded once. Huh? “I don’t-” 

“You never touched me, Clarus. Nor did you offend me.” Ardyn explained. “Cor and I, have seen how stressed you have been.” 

“Sorry, Clare. We knew you’d keep it to yourself until you snapped. But you have admitted it now, so you can take a month off and you can’t fight us on this cause you said it and we didn’t even ask.” Cor said, very proud of himself that he had just outwitted Lord Clarus Amicitia. 

“You gits! You set me up!” Clarus yelled, feeling very annoyed that he had been played.

“Yeah, what are you going to do about it?” 

Clarus opened his mouth to complain but he suddenly realised he didn’t have a leg to stand on. If he even tried to argue about Regis being left unprotected, he was certain Somnus would loan him Gilgamesh or Gladio could even step up. But the little shits had played him! 

“What you can do, Lord Amicitia, is go to bed.” Ardyn suggested, waving his hand as if to shoo if out of the room. “Don’t worry, Regis has already been informed.” 

“Regis was in on this too?!” 

That really shouldn’t surprise Clarus in the fucking slightest! The King was the best prankster he knew after all. 

“Yeah, now get lost before I tell him you are still working.” Cor ordered, not bothering to hide his delight at all. 

“Shoo, Clare Bear.” 

“Don’t fucking call me that!” Clarus snapped, before storming out of the room. 

Not sure what he was more pissed off with now; with Cor for being a smug little shit or with Ardyn for calling him that stupid nickname. Just so they both knew what a foul mood he was in, he slammed the door as hard as he could behind him and chose to ignore the sound of victory laughs as he went to his room for a long lay down. He needed it after dealing with them! 

“Well, at least he will sleep.” Cor shook his head with amusement. 

“Give it a week and he will thank us.” Ardyn assured him, kissing Cor on top of the head. 

Cor looked upwards and caught Ardyn’s lips with his own. He held on to Ardyn’s hand and smiled at him as he pulled away from their small kiss. “Now, I got to find a way to trick you into taking a break.” 

“Oh.” Ardyn smirked, kissing Cor softly again. “I am certain you will find a way to do that my dear, I have no doubts there.” 

“You are mocking me.” Cor frowned, unable to contain his laughter. 

“I am not.” Ardyn said, raising his hands up and he was unable to move very far thanks to Cor’s hold on his scarf. 

“Right, Ass Hat. I believe you.” Cor smirked, pulling him down. “Now, I want to fuck you and grab some of that arse for myself.” 

“Oh please do!” Ardyn grinned, bashing his lips against his husbands. 

This had turned out to be a wonderful day.


End file.
